How Amanda Rollins ended up pregnant
by possum
Summary: Amanda has a late night visitor. Declan is tired of being around scum. He needs a break.
1. Chapter 1

Amanda clicked through the 100 cable channels she subscribed to and let out a disgusted sigh. Not a damn thing on. She absently scratched Frannie behind her ear while she clicked through again, hoping to find something to keep her mind busy.

It had been a month since Nick left for California and even though they hadn't been together for a while before that, she missed him. Sure she could still call him, but she didn't want to intrude on his new life. Really she was just bored.

She thought about calling Barba to meet for a drink, but then she remembered what happened in the squad room that day. Barba and Carisi had been arguing heatedly about some statute and the sexual tension coming off of them had been visible. So were the fuck-me eyes they both had been exchanging. Rollins was pretty sure they would both be busy tonight.

She clicked off the TV and stood. Frannie raised her head and Amanda smiled, "You about ready to call it a night, girl?"

Frannie continued to stare. Amanda rubbed her eyes, "What am I saying? You sleep 18 hours out of a day. Of course you are."

She wandered into the bathroom, brushed her teeth and changed into the oversized football t-shirt she favored for sleeping. She had just turned off the bathroom light when she heard a knock at the door.

Amanda froze. Frannie jumped off the couch and gave a small bark. Rollins shushed her and slowly made her way to the peephole. All she could see was part of someone's shoulder dressed in black. The knock came again.

She reached for the baseball bat next to the door.

"What do you want?" She called through the door.

A muffled voice answered her, "Amanda, it's me."

Rollins eyes widened in surprise and her hands were already removing the chain and unlocking deadbolts. She knew that voice although it had been a long time since she heard it.

She swung open the door, "Lieutenant Murphy."

He was leaning against her door jab and looked like a hundred miles of bad road. He had lost some weight since she had seen him last, and looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. She stepped back from the door to let him in. As he brushed past her she could smell bar on him. Booze, cigarettes, greasy food. She shut the door, locking it again, and suddenly felt very self-conscious in just her t-shirt. She watched him pet Frannie, who was ecstatic for the late night company, and waited for him to talk.

Finally he met her eyes, "I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I needed somewhere to go and I didn't want to be alone." He looked around, "I'm not interrupting anything am I? Amaro isn't going to kick my ass for being here?"

Rollins stood by the door pulling the hem of her t-shirt down, "No. Nick and I aren't together anymore. He's in California now." She finally snapped herself out of her astonishment at him being there and remembered her manners.

"Have a seat, I'm just going to grab some shorts." She moved quickly into her bedroom and grabbed a pair of sleep shorts and yanked them on while hollering into the living room, "Can I get you a drink or something?"

When she came back into the living room he had taken off his jacket and was sitting like a coiled spring on the edge of the sofa. "I've got beer, or I might have some Jameson left."

He seemed to almost cringe at the thought of alcohol and shook his head.

She sat at the other end of the sofa and watched him pet Frannie. He was acting so differently than he normally did. He was always so commanding and straightforward. She didn't know what to do with this quiet, almost withdrawn man. She spoke softly, "Lieutenant-"

"Call me Declan, Amanda."

She raised her eyebrows, "Okay," she said drawing out the word. "Declan, what's going on? I thought you were still undercover with the sex traffickers."

Murphy sat there stroking Frannie's soft fur and Rollins became so mesmerized, she almost missed it when he answered.

"Do you know what it's like to be around absolute scum day in and day out for years? Not just deal with them at work. Everywhere you go. You hang out with them, eat with them, and work with them. Never getting a break. I've done a lot of undercover work, going on 11 years now, and these are the worst people I have ever dealt with. I have to sit there and listen to pimps breaking in girls in the next room. Raping and beating them. Not being able to show an ounce of compassion. Sometimes it's so hard to hold myself back, I think I'll explode. Or just start shooting every pimp and gangbanger I see, to hell with the case. But I can't do that. All of it would be for nothing, and we would have no chance to save anyone. So I sit there and smile and laugh that their jokes, slap girls around if I have to, pretend to be a horrible person and lose a little bit of myself every day."

He finally turned to look at her and her heart broke for the haunted look in his eyes. "I just really need a friend right now, Amanda. A place that I can let my guard down for a few hours and I know I can trust you. Don't worry, I made sure I wasn't followed."

Rollins leaned forward and put her hand on his shoulder, "I know you wouldn't put me in danger, Declan. I trust you too."

Murphy closed his eyes at the admission of trust and seemed to lean into her touch. She smiled at him, "First thing first. We get you in the shower. You smell like a bar."

Murphy gave a little smile, "You don't say?"

Amanda led him to the bathroom, "Towels under the sink, washcloths too. Extra toothbrush in the cabinet. Mama always taught me to be prepared for guests. Uh, sorry I don't have any manly body wash-"she trailed off as she watched him examine the bathroom. She kept it pretty tidy but was suddenly afraid she had left something personal laying out. She hadn't. "I've got a stackable washer/dryer combo in the kitchen. If you wanted to throw your clothes out here when you get in, I could wash them for you."

Murphy gave her that same smile again. "That would be fantastic. Thank you."

Before she could back out of the bathroom, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and began pulling it over his head. She ducked her head and pulled the door closed behind her, leaning on it.

Holy shit! What the hell was going on? Should she be calling Liv or the undercover division? What if he needed serious help? Someone more qualified than her to help? She heard the shower turn on and before she could come up with any sort of plan, the door gave way behind her. She caught herself and realized he was throwing his clothes out so she could wash them. He closed the door quickly and she heard the shower curtain pull open and shut.

She leaned down and gathered the clothes in her arms and headed for the wash. At least she could do that while she thought about what to do.

Rollins tossed his shirt, undershirt and boxers in the washer but held onto the jeans so she could go through the pockets. She really didn't want to drown his phone while he was undercover. She pulled it out, and out of curiosity checked to see if it was on. It wasn't. He really didn't want to be reached. She got his wallet and a set of keys out and then dropped the pants into the wash.

She decided to heat up some leftovers for when he got out of the shower and thought about what she should do. Lieutenant Declan Murphy was one of the most competent men she had ever worked under. He would know if he needed to pull the plug. Maybe he really did just need a recharge. She decided to continue to trust him like she always had and not call anyone.

When Declan finally emerged from the shower she was sitting on the sofa not watching whatever she had turned the TV to. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and his chestnut hair was combed back from his face, and his beard still neat and trim. She had fixed him a plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans and on a hunch she had set a glass of milk next to the plate on a TV tray.

He almost moaned when he saw the food. "Is that for me?"

She smiled at him, "Yep. Leftovers from yesterday."

He sat next to her and grabbed the milk taking a big swig, "Oh man. This is going to be so amazing. Amanda, you don't even want to know how long it's been since I've had a home cooked meal. I hope you don't mind about the towel. You took my clothes."

Rollins laughed, "I don't mind it. There was no way in hell I was letting you put those back on before they were washed."

She watched him eat for a little bit and then opened her mouth to ask him some questions when he cut her off. "If you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about me right now. Tell me about the squad. Tell me about Liv's son. Something happy."

So Rollins talked. She told him about Noah's baptism, how Liv was doing, funny Carisi stories, updates on Finn. She got up and switched his clothes to the dryer and filled his plate with seconds. She could actually see the tension leaving his body. By the time his clothes were dry and he had changed into his boxers and undershirt, he seemed a little lighter. Like part of a weight had been lifted.

"I need to go take Frannie outside one last time for the night, but just make yourself at home."

Murphy frowned, "At this hour? Amanda, it's really late."

Rollins smiled, "Its ok Declan. I just run her to the curb and back up when it's late. Besides, I can take care of myself."

When she came back in he was laying on the couch, out cold. She gave Frannie her treat and put her in her kennel for the night.

She stood over him, watching as he slept. Noticed the lines of tension that had been present on his face, smoothed in sleep. He looked exhausted but she couldn't let him sleep on the couch. She was raised better that that.

"Declan, come on. Let's get you to bed," she said rubbing his shoulder. He woke slowly and blinked at her. "What?"

She tugged on his hand and pulled him to his feet, supporting him as he began to sway.

He tried to pull his hand free, "Amanda, no. I can sleep on the couch."

She continued to push and prod him toward the bedroom, "There's no way I'm going to let you sleep on that couch. It's nice to sit on but hell on your back. Believe me."

She pulled the covers down and pushed him into the bed. She tucked him in and he grabbed her hand before she could leave. "Stay with me. Please."

Rollins nodded and turned off the light. She slipped underneath the covers and fit her body behind his. She wrapped her arm around his chest and aligned her knees behind his. She rested her hand over his heart and sighed when he covered it with his. "Thank you, Amanda."

She smiled against his back and murmured, "You already said that."

It took no time for his breathing to even out into sleep. It had been a while since she had just held someone and she took comfort from him. The solid weight and heat of him against her. She closed her eyes and immediately fell asleep as well.

She woke again in the predawn light and noted that their positions had changed at some point. He was wrapped tightly around her with his knee between her legs, face buried in her hair and hand resting on her belly. She shifted slightly and heard him murmur in his sleep. She thought maybe she should feel uncomfortable but couldn't find any discomfort at all. He was real and warm and for this small amount of time, hers.

She turned in his arms and studied his face. He looked much better, more rested. She reached out and softly stroked his cheek, surprised at how soft his beard was.

He sighed softly and opened his eyes, staring at her. "Amanda" Just one word. Her name spoken so softly and reverently.

She smiled and whispered, "Declan." She closed the distance between them and kissed him softly.

He pulled back and studied her face, "Are you sure?"

She pushed him onto his back and swung her leg over his torso. His hands grabbed her hips and steadied her on top of him.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled again looking down at him, "Absolutely."

He groaned and buried his hands in her hair and pulled her down to him. When he kissed her, she felt his commanding presence come back. He dominated her mouth, slipping his tongue inside. She instinctively began to suck on his tongue and felt him grind his hips into hers.

He was hard as iron underneath her and she rolled her hips seeking pleasure as they broke apart gasping.

She arched her back and began to ride him, feeling his hard length through their clothes, right where she wanted him.

"I need to touch you, "he growled, pulling her t-shirt over her head. His hands went straight to her breasts, cupping them and brushing his thumbs over her nipples.

She gasped and held his hands in place while she continued to move her hips. She reached down and tugged on his t-shirt wanting to feel his skin on hers.

He raised up to help her remove it and then pulled her down on top of him. She loved the feel of his lightly furred chest against her nipples.

Murphy claimed her mouth again, biting at her lips, his hot breath on her mouth. She felt the room tip as he rolled them. She opened her legs and felt him settle between them. Murphy buried his face in her neck and she shivered at the feel of his mouth and scratching of his beard. He worked his way down her neck and to her chest and as he took her nipple in his mouth, his hand worked her other one. She cried out and felt her stomach clench in pleasure. "Oh God. Declan."

He continued the sweet torture at her breasts, alternating his mouth between them, while his hand dipped into her shorts and began to rub her clit. She legs fell open further to accommodate him. He murmured against her breast, panting. "You feel so good, Amanda. So soft." He moved his fingers lower and felt the wetness at her folds. "So wet for me. I need to taste you."

Amanda lay against the sheets and moved her legs where he wanted them as he pulled her shorts and panties down and off. She raised her head as he moved her legs over his shoulders and felt no embarrassment as he stared at the most private part of her.

He was looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world. And then he said it out loud, "You are so beautiful."

She propped herself up on her elbows so she could watch him as he put his mouth on her. Her head dropped back and she moaned loudly as she felt the first warm brush of his tongue. He ate her out with the single minded determination he was known for and all she could do was hold his head in place and cry out her pleasure. She gripped his hair tightly as her orgasm rocketed through her.

He rose to his knees and pulled at his boxers, kicking them off as he positioned himself on top of her.

They were both panting as she tried to push him on his back so that she could return the favor, but he shook his head and held her down. "I need to be inside you. God, I need it so bad."

She reached out and stroked his cheek again and wrapped her legs around his hips. He reached down and guided himself inside. Amanda moaned and clenched her thighs around him. He felt so good inside her.

He buried himself to the hilt and then stilled above her. The muscles of his neck were straining and he seemed to be trying to control himself. Finally, he slowly began to move. He kissed her deeply again. She ran her hands down his back and gripped his ass. "Come on, Declan. Just let go."

It seemed to break something in him as he moaned deeply and his hips began to snap into hers. Their kisses were wet and filthy. Amanda held onto his biceps and moved her hips to meet his. Their cries mixing together until she couldn't tell who was making what noise. She felt his thrusts begin to slow and she nudged his shoulder to roll them over.

She settled on top of him again and began to ride him hard. He gripped her hips so tightly she knew there would be bruising tomorrow. His gaze was so intense she had to close her eyes. She felt like he could see right through her. She swung her hips and reached down to rub her clit and felt his hand knock hers out of the way. "Let me do that."

She threw her hair back and continued to chase her pleasure and when she came, it was out of nowhere. Shocking her in its intensity. He coaxed her through it and then gripped her hips and began thrusting hard and fast up into her. She held on, locking eyes with him.

His thrusts sped up in an erratic pace and he moaned loudly as he spilled inside of her. She collapsed on top of him, panting. He ran his fingers through her hair, she could feel his heart racing in his chest, and as she closed her eyes, she had never felt so content.

When she woke again it was fully daylight and she was alone in the bed. She reached over and felt it was still warm. She pulled on a robe and stretched her sore muscles. She found him in the kitchen, fully dressed, staring into his coffee cup.

Rollins wrapped her arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder. "How much time do we have?"

Murphy reached up and covered her hands with his own. He sighed, "I was just waiting for you to get up. I didn't want to leave while you were still asleep. I don't want to leave at all."

Rollins released him and sat next to him. When he turned to look at her she was smiling. He frowned, "What?"

She laughed, "I'm not going anywhere, Declan. When this is over, I'm still going to be right here."

Murphy grabbed her hand, kissing her knuckles and held it to his face, "What if I'm not? What if they take everything I am away from me?"

Rollins leaned in and kissed him, "Take something from Lieutenant Declan Murphy? Impossible."


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

Amanda stared at the pregnancy tests and couldn't believe her eyes. Yates' taunt had actually been true. She had known something was going on with her body, and her snappy comment at Carisi about a bad bagel had been her trying to convince herself. She held her head in her hands and let out a little laugh. She was pregnant with Declan's baby. She smiled, picturing them raising a child together. He would be such a good dad. Attentive, protective and loving.

She covered her mouth as she thought about her own father. She had always been daddy's girl. Even when her father had neglected them. She had always blamed her mother for whatever problems they had been going through. That was something she had worked through after being in SVU. She knew that she had been seeking love from a man that really didn't know how to give it and had blamed her mother because of it. Her Momma was no angel, but she had not been the sole problem in the family. She did not want that kind of environment for her child.

She pushed those thoughts out of her head as she rose and began getting ready for work. Declan was not like her father and Amanda was not her mother. Their relationship was their own.

She stood in the shower, letting the warm water rush over her and thought about how she was going to tell Declan. Technically, they weren't even in a relationship. There was a promise of one, once he was through with his undercover work.

Amanda turned off the water, wrapping herself in a towel. She wiped the condensation off the mirror and stared at herself. How was he going to feel about this? They had been as reckless as teenagers that night. Sure she took the pill, but there were days she forgot to take it. She had slacked off on it when she and Nick had ended their relationship. Didn't seem like a big deal at the time. It's not like she could have seen this coming. She wouldn't change it for the world. She had felt more of a connection with him, than anyone she had been involved with in her adult life. He had seen her at her worst and believed that she could come back from it. He knew the darkest parts of her and hadn't run away.

She had no contact with Declan. No way to reach him except through the precinct. What was she supposed to say to the undercover unit? 'I need to get ahold of my baby daddy and tell him he's the father?' Amanda snorted and continued to get ready for the day.

00000

Damn Carisi and his insightfulness! He zeroed in on her and called her out in front of the damn soda machine. She had to give Carisi a little credit though. The man did have three sisters. He knew when something was up.

She knew she would have to tell Olivia soon. She didn't want to be tied up in knots about this and it wouldn't be long till she couldn't hide it. She hated the thought about Declan not being the first to know but there wasn't much she could do about that.

She absolutely would not risk his life by trying to contact him. She couldn't stand the thought of his cover being blown and she knew that as soon as he found out, he would do whatever he had to to get to her. She wasn't going to let anything happen to him. She could only hope that sometime in the next nine months he could make his busts and come home to her.

0000

She had almost let Declan's name slip when she told Liv she was pregnant. It had stung a little when Olivia jumped to the conclusion that she would be on her own. Just because she didn't talk about her love life at the station, didn't mean she didn't have one. Her back had been up when she said she might not be on her own and when Liv's eyes had widened in surprise, Rollins had caught herself. She lamely added something about her mother, which Rollins would not be following through with. That was a headache she did not need.

0000

Amanda left the station after the horrific case involving child services. It had been a bad case and a bad day. And Chief Dodds had busted her. She knew it was coming. Being seven months pregnant was not something she could hide.

Amanda was curled up on the couch watching TV with Frannie when there was a knock on her door. Hope flared in her chest as she moved as swiftly as she could to the door. She swung it open and was momentarily confused when she saw Olivia standing there.

"Liv? What's going on?" Amanda moved aside to let Olivia enter and closed the door behind her. The tension on Liv's face made her grab her belly in a protective gesture. "What is it?"

Benson sighed, "Its Yates."

Amanda frowned, "What? What do you mean?"

"Yates has escaped Amanda."

Amanda's head spun and her knees almost buckled underneath her. Olivia caught her and guided her to the couch, reassuring her all the way.

"Amanda, I don't want you to worry. You are going to have a protective detail until we find him and we will find him."

Amanda gripped her belly tighter, "Liv, he's going to be gunning for me. He all but told me he was obsessed with me. Going on about our connection and about how I was bringing life after his child died. This isn't just about me now."

Olivia gripped Amanda's hands, "I know that and that is why we aren't going to let anything happen to you. I promise you that. We will protect you."

Her worst fear had become reality. Someone was threatening her child and it hadn't even been born yet. This was a bone numbing fear she had never experienced before. She knew Yates was a stone cold killer and all the tactics she had used to become close to him, to get him to talk, were now back-firing on her. Even though she wasn't his preferred brunette, she knew he was fixated on her. And she was terrified for her unborn child. She couldn't hold this back from Declan anymore. God forbid something happened to her, he needed to know he was going to be a father and that she was pretty sure she was in love with him.

Amanda let out a shaky breath, "There's someone I need you to get ahold of for me. I need him here. I need Declan."

Olivia's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Lt. Murphy?"

Amanda closed her eyes and rested her head on the couch. "I don't know where he is. All I know is that he is still undercover."

Olivia coughed to clear the shock out of her voice and patted her hand, "I'm going to do everything I can to get him here with you."

Amanda was ashamed to feel tears welling up. It felt so nice to hear the support in Olivia's voice. Her family was as crazy as a bag of cats, and no one had ever been there for her. Her mother always made everything her fault, and don't get her started on her sister Kim. Amanda didn't have female friends and right now just the simple feeling of Olivia's hand on hers was the most support she had gotten in a long time. Olivia seemed to sense that Amanda was about to break and she scooted closer and hugged Amanda to her and let her detective sob against her.

Olivia made sure Amanda was comfortable and resting in her bedroom. Uniforms were posted outside the apartment building and one of squad would be with Rollins at all times. Olivia tried to shake off the déjà vu of William Lewis and pulled out her phone. She dialed the number for Vice, "This is Sergeant Olivia Benson of Manhattan SVU. The color of the day is Red and I need to speak to the Captain in charge of undercover assignments."

0000

Olivia glanced at the clock briefly before resuming her vigil from Amanda's apartment window. It was almost 3am. She should be back at the squad helping run this manhunt but vowed to stay until Declan arrived. Finn was in charge and she knew that he was more than capable of running the show. Especially with his partner being the one in danger.

She had been surprised when Amanda had asked for Declan but in the following hours she had thought back on the time when Declan had been acting Captain of the squad. While keeping it professional, he and Rollins had definitely had chemistry and she knew the two had a bond from when Amanda had found herself in the middle of his undercover assignment.

Olivia had explained the situation to the Captain in charge, and was assured that Murphy would be on the next flight out. Olivia didn't know from where and didn't know how long it would take till he arrived. She did know that as soon as he got here, he wouldn't stop until Yates was taken care of.

0000

At 5am there was a pounding on the door. Olivia opened it and was immediately pushed to the side as Murphy came barreling in. He looked around the room, "Where is she?"

Olivia held her hands up in a placating manner, "She's fine, Murphy. She's asleep in the bedroom."

Declan ran his hands through his hair, "Tell me you have this covered."

"Finn is running the manhunt right now and we have every cop out there looking for him. We are going to find him," Olivia said.

Declan looked her in the eyes and what Olivia saw there made her blood run cold. "Remember what I told you about William Lewis?"

Olivia drew in a shaky breath, "You told me I should have killed him when I had the chance."

Declan nodded, "That's exactly what I'm going to do to this Yates. I will not let this become another William Lewis." He turned and went into Amanda's bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him.

Olivia blew out a breath and rubbed her forehead. God help Yates, because Declan Murphy was not going to show him any mercy if he caught him first. At that moment it occurred to her that she should call Voight in Chicago and give him a heads up. He deserved to know that the man who had killed one of his own was out on the streets.

0000

The room was dark but with the predawn light coming through the windows, Declan could see Amanda perfectly. She lay on her side with her arms around her growing belly. His gaze was fixed on her and he could barely breathe. Everything he wanted was laying on that bed. His future, a future he wanted so badly he could taste it.

As soon as they had gotten word to him what was going on, he had lit out of that hell hole like a shot. He laid some cover of having to 'take care' of some business in the old country and didn't look back. The whole way to New York all he could think about was Amanda pregnant with his child. Even as he was looking at her now, he couldn't believe it.

He sat next to her on the bed and placed his hand on her face. She slowly opened her eyes and caught sight of him.

He smiled at her, "Hey."

She smiled tentatively back at him, "Hey."

He held her gaze and softly stroked her cheek with his thumb, "When were you going to tell me, darlin'?"

Amanda tried to duck her face away from his intense gaze, embarrassed. "I couldn't risk your safety, Declan. I couldn't stand the thought of distracting you from your case. I didn't want you to worry about it."

"Amanda, I'm not worried. And I'm not just going to walk away, you know that."

She seemed to droop in relief, as if she had been worried that he was going to do just that. He grabbed her chin gently and forced her to look at him, "I know that you have had a lot of people in your life let you down, but I'm not going to be one of them. I promise you that."

She looked into his eyes and believed him. Believed that no matter what came next, that Declan would be there for her. She leaned up and kissed him. She felt his soft beard tickling her face and his lips kissing her back so gently.

She pulled back from the kiss and took his hand and placed it over her belly. "I'm about 7 months along. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl."

Declan stared at his hand on her rounded belly and couldn't believe this was real. Children were something he had given up on, something his career had taken the place of in his life. Now he had that chance. A chance at a life he had only previously envied, and he would not let anything get in the way of that.


End file.
